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My dad once gave me a piece of advice that I held onto the entire time I was raising children: Your job is to raise good people.
All I can say is that we all have different personalities. And each of us finds value in specific things and those are the things that get our attention. If the house is chaos, my guess is that the mom is feeling pressure from others to find value in what the others say is valuable. But I can’t know that for sure.
I know for me that I can read organizational tips until the cows come home,and they will never help me. My brain isn’t wired that way. I doubt many people with ADD are wired that way. If it was easy,we would have done it by now. Pick a closet. Throw it in there. Put it in a box that you toss if you never get to it. Quit looking at your house through other peoples’ eyes. Those are the tips that you’ll never read. Go online and take a Myers Briggs personality type test. If it comes back and one of the letters is P, know that any kind of planning or organization is actually against your nature. You have to work harder at it if you find value at it. And the people writing those articles probably don’t have P as letter and organizing is second nature to them. Stop trying to be everyone else. Find out who you are and be satisfied with it.