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I feel you.
These may come across as perfectly useless suggestions at first glance, but if you really want to start, then the effort as to be made. This is what helped me take control of my mess and I hope it helps:
1) you have ADHD, You have a bad sense of time, so you need external guides IN ONE PLACE, because those million post-its are going to get mixed up, old new, high priority and low, so start a bullet journal. I seriously suggest watching Ryder Carroll’s TED talk if you want to be inspired.
2) Declutter: *prioritising* your tasks is everything, on the basis of daily need, urgency and importance. It sounds like those are all the same but believe me, they’re different. Once that is done, it frees up the time to think of the other things that have to be managed.
3) I pick out a routine time to do necessary daily tasks with the help of a running WEEKLY task list, this is the simplest format I could find https://i.pinimg.com/originals/eb/1c/24/eb1c247940a4224ad7464f94ebd26efc.jpg
You can always look up video guides for running task lists, but please don’t be distracted by the pretty designs and stationery items, the original bullet journal was meant to be minimal (the fact that people have turned it into an art form is not a bad thing, but for that you have to have a lot of free time on your hands)
4)You might lose steam several times, it’s an ongoing effort, but if you keep going, customising your bullet journal to suit your needs, decluttering and giving priority to tasks in order of importance, I promise you you’ll get better at it as time passes by.
5) It looks like you and your partner will benefit if you sit together and divide specific tasks according to your work timings and capabilities, that way you waste time and effort deciding who does what every day. This won’t work 100% of the time but it’ll reduce those fights when one of you forgot something and the other has to do it.
6) This might sound corny but I got myself an Alexa and now I get all my reminders in a loud but gentle female voice five minutes before they need to be done, picking up kids from the stop, dropping them off, whatever! It’s made a real difference to all our lives.