This hit home for me as I can relate big time.
I will start by saying aviation has been a love since I was little. Fast fwd a few years while going through aviation school and having a very difficult time making good grades. I failed my 1st semester with a GPA of 1.8.
I was home schooled so my diagnosis of ADD (I am not hyperactive) was in my late teens. I was put on a trial of meds and upon restarting aviation school I was able to keep a 3.5 to 3.95 GPA
That was 23 some years ago and I am still on meds and still in aviation (Air-frame & Power-plant Mechanic)
Now about Vyvanse my Dr put me on a 30mg trial a few months ago & it worked for about 3 days then BAM! I hit a brick wall of brain fog like I have NEVER had. I could not carry a thought for more than 3 seconds at a time. It was like someone had hung a black sheet of paper in front of my face & brain lol it was awful.
My job at the time did not deal with aircraft so was a good time to try a new\different medication.
After one month I went back to my old meds (Concerta) but had my dosage adjusted up by 10mg split into two 5mg boosters taken in the afternoon. Concerta works well for me but the half life is not what they claim. I find taking a larger pill does not mean longer working time. For me it was like strapping my butt to a rocket where I went on a ride to 4,000 ft instead of 2,000 ft but the ride was still only 2 hours long and the brain fog rolled back in :\ I work 9 hour days with a 2 hour commute so I needed meds with long legs like a marathon runner not a sprinter.
I was starting to feel like something was wrong with me as it was not working like it used too. I kept thinking (This is bad I am needing more meds) My Dr put things into view for me. I am not a spring chicken anymore being in my early 40’s plus 10 years of 11 to 12 hour days with the trimmings & stress of spouse & kids were taking a toll.
I took 3 years but just started a new job last week with a 15 minute commute & 8 hour days. It is a less stressful position as a tools/parts attendant on a military base but right on flight line where I can look at airplanes but not have to turn wrenches on them 🙂
I know I am wayyyyy off track but want you to know you are not alone 🙂 Take heart and be gentle on how you view yourself. What is not seen is how MANY times I have failed at a relationship, been fired from a job ect (Its the ADD/ADHD you will never make it around “normal” people) Is the voice that often would play in the back of my head. It is easy to be hard yourself. Work hard on keeping YOU healthy & balanced first and foremost. L Tyrosine an Amino Acid for brain neurotransmitters has been helpful for me along with vitamin B-12. Study what makes the brain tick and what lack of a chemical causes what ect. ADD/ADHD & the mind is fascinating! This is a good read https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-in-adults-nervous-system/
I this little blurb disorganized? You bet! Words that go together and a story that flows is like a hurricane in a trailer park for me hehehe 🙂