Wow. I just came back from a walk where I realized that I feel afraid of myself. Afraid to start something. Afraid to not start something. Afraid that if I start something I won’t get it done and will just go in another direction tomorrow or later today.
I’m worried about taking too much time to write this cause it’s taking me away from what I was ‘supposed to be doing’. And I’ve never written before cause I’m so caught up in making it perfect, making it original and on and on…
It’s so damn hard to stay on the straight and narrow when my brain is weaving and wobbling. When I have a “good day” (read productive), I get on a little high and dream up all the things I can do now that I feel so much better… Till tomorrow or the next day when I wonder what the hell was I thinking?
I’m 52, diagnosed at 45 with Inattentive type – often wished I was on the Hyperactive side so I could get more done! Yes, you’re welcome to laugh.
I really appreciate the 10 minute suggestion – I’m also a writer and need to stop beating myself up for not sitting down to write cause I’m scared I won’t get it done or not done well enough! I also love the idea of doing parts of stuff – the bathtub, the dishes, etc. and celebrating – dropping the idea of the spotless anything. And I love the line, “I actually get some stuff done because my ADD brain is too confused to know which part of the equation to be stubborn about, the work part or the slacking off part.”
My suggestion for when depression hits… get outside. I love the forest and the beach (especially on a rainy day so I can scream, cry or talk to myself and there’s no one around to hear). But sometimes it’s great to walk down the street smiling at people – especially when you don’t feel like smiling – try it, it actually makes you and them feel better! Disclaimer, I am Canadian and live near a small city where it’s safe, and even expected to smile at people on the street. Regardless though, what do we have to lose?
Thank you to all who have contributed! And to all who’ve thought about it but put it off or told themselves something rude about not having anything worth sharing, that’s ok too. Thank goodness for forums like this to help us realize we’re not alone!