I relate to this SO MUCH! Sometimes I think I should just ask someone else what they would do in my situation and do that instead of whatever it is that I’m thinking, because I know I will end up hurting my efforts with whatever decision I make.
I have only been recently diagnosed as having ADHD (I am 25. Since I never “struggled in school” = had bad grades, then there was no reason to believe I had ADHD. But as an adult, my symptoms have magnified without the structure of school, routine, etc.).
Something I recently found that has sort of helped me with habits, is the Gretchen Rubin Four Tendencies Quiz – I think few of us would be surprised to find we are the “Rebel” type: https://gretchenrubin.com/2015/01/ta-da-the-launch-of-my-quiz-on-the-four-tendencies-learn-about-yourself/. Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike.