I’m going to be honest and real with you on this.
I will first challenge you to change your mindset about ADHD and your son’s behavior. Behavior is communication — it’s a symptom of something else, an underlying challenge or struggle. Your son likely isn’t disrespecting you, even when it feels like he is, because he likely doesn’t have that intent most of the time. True disrespect requires intent. But using that language to describe this behavior keeps you in the mindset that he has control over this action and is intentionally disrespectful.
Your child is having a hard time, not giving you a hard time. Once you accept and believe this, a monumental shift in the right direction will take place.
Your post feels very much like you’re still trying to make him fit the neurotypical mold and have neurotypical expectations for him. As long as that is the case, you will remain disappointed and frustrated and he will continue to not be able to meet your expectations.
There’s always some truth to what our kids say. While the literal interpretation of you abusing him is false, he says this to communicate how he feels.
The SOAR Academy in NC is awesome! I think the starting age is older though.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism