First, hire out what you can. You are both spending an incredible amount of time at work and traveling to and from work. It’s ok to get help with household chores. You can hire a laundry service, a handyman, someone to clean your home, groceries to your door, etc. Then, make everything else routine. For instance, the laundry is always done on Sundays.
Many adult with ADHD like the FLyLady to help with routines that keep your home tidy.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism