Ellrchl – I read your post and my heart aches for you. Please keep reading articles on this site, and don’t give up on reaching out for help. There are so many of us who have been through similar experiences and have learned about different coping skills that might or might not work for others. Not sure of your gender, but a good therapist familiar with women & adhd has helped me. I haven’t tried it yet, but the info here might help https://www.additudemag.com/mindfulness-meditation-for-adhd/
Forgive me for being so long-winded, I’m still in the “excited to have an answer and be alive” phase of my diagnosis…lol
I was almost consumed by something similar to that brewing volcano feeling you speak of, after a huge life transition (move across country, new job, new relationship, etc.). Only by grace from above, I slogged through bad doctors & therapists and found an adhd treatment center in Cincinnati, OH (lived 2 hours away at the time). Before that, I had one doctor accuse me of being a drug addict because I decided to finally ask about adhd meds, after being diagnosed by a specialist earlier that year in another state (I was a 48 year old professional who doesn’t even like to take aspirin for crying out loud!!). He “doesn’t believe in adhd”, but was more than willing to prescribe any form of antidepressant I would like…my volcano almost blew that day, again only something from above saved me. One therapist decided that “tough love” and guilt would be an effective treatment for me (after 3 visits & pouring out my life story of struggles with self-esteem, rejection, etc.) NOT helpful!!
Because I’m female with mostly inattentive type adhd, my diagnosis came late in life, too. The self-adapted coping skills I had used to survive to that point just quit “working” for me. I had been thru bouts before, but I knew in time (a couple days off work, long weekend, etc.), it would “pass” enough to get by. But not this time – I found myself in a constant state of overwhelm, anxiety, guilt, and crippling depression for months. My significant other blamed it on menopause (which actually could be the case), but the ROOT of it all was my untreated ADD! Once that truth was revealed and I actually got treatment, the other co-existing symptoms could be dealt with and some have vanished!!! I was finally able to understand why I just couldn’t do all the normal things other people can do without a second thought. It wasn’t a moral failing or some kind of brain damage, my brain just works differently – and as you said, it’s actually much better than a nero-typical brain in a lot of ways! Especially when we learn how to cope and forgive ourselves for not “fitting in” when things go awry.
If you’ve managed to get to the end of this post, bless you! And, I hope it helps to know there are people out here who accept you and can understand at least some of what you’re going through. Hang in there – it does get better.😊