Reply To: Always out-argued?


Is it a thing with ADHD that it’s hard ever to win a debate? I’m by no means stupid, self-opinionated or pig-headed but I don’t think I’ve won an argument in my life. I have good ideas but I can’t marshall or express my thoughts well. Other people, even if they’re dead wrong in my view, seem so much more convincing, to the extent that I give up frazzled and embarrassed. Does this happen with other people?

Can’t say if it’s an ADHD thing or not, but you’re certainly not alone when
it comes to lacking debate/argument skills. I’m afraid some of us are just
genetically predestined to stink at it.

In my case, like you it’s not for lack of facts or knowledge of the issue
being debated. I’m also considered to be well spoken, but I’ve never learned
how to speak in “bullet points” as so many younger people do today.

If a debate were limited to just the facts, people like us can do just
fine; it’s when human emotion comes into play that the problems arise.

Been married four times, and when it comes to “debates” with the wife, unless
it’s some major, life-changing issue I can tell you from experience it’s a whole
lot easier to just agree with her, and move on. Life’s to short for all that
unnecessary drama, and if it keeps the Queen happy, I’m good with it.

A debate becomes an argument the first time a voice is raised, and at that
point progress stops, and generally any discussion beyond that will not result
in a solution.

If I choose to debate a issue, I’ve learned to listen carefully to the other persons
debate points, and then compare their position with my own. You have to understand
where the other person is coming from, as otherwise you’ll never understand why they
hold the position they do. Once you understand that, it’s more of a matter explaining
to them why you believe differently. Remember, you’re working towards a reasonable solution
to the disagreement, and it’s not a Win or Lose situation.

Try that approach and see if it brings a more harmonious outcome.