Ugh, it must be really frustrating that your family takes this position. AND to pile on that all your accomplishments are some kind of “problem.” Getting them to change the lens is going to be difficult because behind the scenes there is always 1 (or 2!) that are probably working this “story line”.
Do they bring up the diagnosis? Or do you?
My guess: They bring is up because they have issues. They are jealous of your accomplishments, of your consistent employment – and your ability to be flexible and change. All those features of ADHD appear to have been in your favor in those respects. or maybe they don’t feel recognized for the path they have chosen.
Sure you have had to restart, pay tuition, and get to know a new career… but you keep moving forward. That in itself is amazing. I am sure your family is happy with their choices, and it would be great if they could choose to “change the lens” on your story.
When we visit family: We avoid mentioning ADHD, talk about specific symptoms. That seems to flip the script. We find there is less eye rolling and parenting lectures when we say kiddo has “keen” interests (AKA hyperfocus), enjoys exploring (might be distracted and need some time to putter), has lots of energy (hyperactivity), or needs to get the wiggles out. yes, it all sounds a bit babyish to our kiddo.. BUT it has prompted a couple of family critics to SHUT IT.
Maybe you can find some ways to shift the conversation with your own family?
We are getting ready to go to a family wedding, and I am already bracing myself. Hope you best of success with your family.