Reply To: Feeling overwhelmed by my spouse's ADHD

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I would take the analysis back to the innocent child before analysing the adult.

CHILD. Parents, teachers and other responsible people need to change how they do things to allow an ADHD person to thrive and care for themselves. These adults also need to be responsible for the injuries they inflict.

ADULT. If there are spinning-off injuries due to life in a neurotypical world they need to be treated differently than ADHD. Neurotypicals can get those injuries too so they’re not ADHD.

– Addictions (substance, porn, shopping, Pokémon)
– Depression (lack of joy, lack of interest, memory loss, lack of follow though)
– Anxiety (fear of starting things, performance anxiety, social anxiety)
– just a few examples.

These injuries need to be cared for like any person. And any missing life skills need to learned.

But I don’t like seeing a huge list of stories that paint ADHD as the injuries inflicted by the neurotypical world. One long horrible story is enough otherwise it amounts to vilification of a minority. I call them “I’m not prejudiced but…” stories. People need to offer understanding and solutions.

I’m a parent defending my kid from the future. And feeling for these poor people’s ruined lives of either neurological persuasion. This conversation could be on here 15 years into the future defining ADHD people as kinky, lazy, selfish, poor providers. If someone doesn’t speak up then it will take on an air of truthiness.

To sum up.

1. ADHD talents are amazing and should not be thwarted
2. ADHD people need to learn life skills just like anyone and be responsible when they hurt others just like anyone
3. ADHD can receive a psychological injury like anyone.
4. Psychological injuries are real injuries and deserve care and loyalty to enable healing
5. Frustrated spouses need to educate themselves as to what is bad behaviour and what needs loyal care.
6. Frustrated spouses need to be careful about creating a mass archive of prejudiced stories vilifying a minority neurotype
7. ADHD people frequently change the world with their talents. Let’s do it again so our kids don’t have to endure this.