Reply To: Feeling overwhelmed by my spouse's ADHD

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You’ve got a great story Dizzy. And you’ve set a great example of owning mistakes. I agree this must be done. I’ve done my share as well. Non-ADHD spouses also need to take your example on board.

I see my kid being stomped on by teachers who believe they’re doing the right thing. And then read the same level of ignorance in some these posts. They’re not offering any solutions. Not showing respect for natural ADHD characteristics or practices like these examples:

1) Messes : leaving things out to aid memory.
2) Procrastination : last minute energy
3) Emotionally absent : hyper-focus, the greatest ability ever!

Non-ADHD spouses can be abusive when they don’t understand. I say there’s a duty for them to get educated. And to differentiate symptoms of depression like loss of interest in once enjoyable things, loss of confidence, feelings of inadequacy or doom.

It’s worth people checking to see if they’re a teapot calling the kettle black. You know, who is abusing who? Check to see how much of the blame should they own.

I’m sure that will sting if they can really do the heart work required. But it will be hard for them to open up because the dominant neurology supports most of their perspectives. They may not feel they have to do the work.

It makes me angry when teachers don’t think they have to do their work for my kid and blame him for their lack of effort. I think the same thing applies in a marriage.