Reply To: Feeling overwhelmed by my spouse's ADHD

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Hello there
I’m Steve. I feel as though this is a reflection of my current situation.
I was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) when I was 40, 12 years ago. I had functioned as a Manager / Matron in NHS mental health services. I was diagnosed after starting my first PGDIP; I struggled with reading,concentration, planning etc.
I found that over the time I have struggled to cope as the workload pressures in the NHS increased and smart technology / internet served as real distractions. I ended up getting into trouble a few times for missed deadlines and the quality of my work when ny meds stopped working. I ended up on long-term sick with depression a few times.
2 years ago, after 31 years with the NHS, I took voluntary early retirement to study to be a CBT therapist. The course was supposed to be a 1 year full time programme. I’ve struggled throughout this course, academically. Clinically I’ve had great outcomes with my clients.
My husband, who I have been with for 21 years, left me 3 months ago as he was fed up with my broken promises that have led to us being in financial trouble. There were other reasons,but mostly it was about my ADHD and the perception that it is an excuse to hide behind.
The good news is that my final will be submitted before the final deadline next week. It would be done before the end of the weekend if I hadn’t become distracted and did something irrelevant for the last six hours.
Nevertheless it will be done and I should be qualified 2 weeks later. I have been practicing as a therapist for a month, charging student rates, and have built a small caseload specialising in working with adults with ADHD. The clinical work really focuses me; it’s the dreary theory / research reading that has been my issue.
I’ve also got a part-time job, doing something different, starting next month, which is good news.
My husband is moving back home tomorrow. I’ve told him that I won’t be made to feel bad about my ADHD by him or anyone else, I do that to myself on a regular basis; I told him that if he wants to be with me he needs to work out how to support me and, if he does. I’ll be making every effort to stop being defined by this bloody awful disorder.
The thing that helped was reading a book called ‘Smart but Stuck’ by Thomas Brown, that explains adult ADHD really clearly and the science behind what we di or don’t do. It’s really interesting and something I recommend to my clients.
I know I’ve withered on, but just wanted to share my experience with people.its good to know that I’m not alone.