Many thanks to those who provided further info.
As I mentioned, I believe I have ADHD too, but I’ve worked so hard at “functioning” and taking tnings seriously that it’s hard for me to remember what I used to be like.
Also, I had no knowledge about ADHD (other than some.vague awareness of schoolboys taking Ritalin), so I had no mental framework for ubderstandingwhat was going on.
Enter my wonderful boyfriend, who let me down many times. I had the typical reactions: thinking he was lazy, lying, and didn’t care. I thought if I told him something once, that was enough. And I thought some things were too obvious to mention.
I tried desperately to figure out what was wrong with him and/or our relationship. Eventually I found out about ADHD, and spent many months learning whatever I could through books, websites, and YouTubes.
But after 2 years of anger, resentment, and resignation, and having developed the lifestyle of a full-time servant, it was too hard for me to become a loving and understanding companion. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for spouses who have been doing this for much longer, with children thrown into the mix.
I wish I had known about ADHD when this relationship began. I think things would have been much better for us.