I had similar problems. I had the “gate keeper” Dr laugh at me for suggesting I might be ADHD because I’m neither fidgity nor addicted to drugs or alcohol (also, the “goal” is, as she told me, is to get off of any medication as we grow out of it). What worked for me was talking to my GP. He gave me a one page symptom test to fill out, said I’m not hyperactive but certainly am inattentive, and gave me a prescription for a non stimulant. Between that and coffee I can get a lot done and love my family the way I always wanted to.
While this may not be the best approach to medicine it’s working for me. The point being a GP can prescribe medication and my understanding of ADHD is the best test for it is whether the medication works. Given your insurance situation, this might help.
Best of luck