Reply To: Feeling overwhelmed by my spouse's ADHD

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I can totally relate to this and wish I had the answer.

My ADD partner and I have been together for over 11 years in which I’ve supported him in learning to live with ADD. And I’m exhausted. Partly due to not recognising how important it is to look after myself through all this, and partly from life contantly throwing challenges at us. Intimacy stopped a while ago, and isn’t likely to change any time soon.

Most recently my OH’s contract ended and he’s now on the dreaded path of ‘finding another job’. He hates it. I hate it. It takes forever. And it costs me a fortune (he owes me over 5k from the last unemployment period).

Long story shot, he’s now at the point where he’s run out of money and can’t afford to pay his share of the bills. After talking with him about his spending, I discovered he’d not cancelled bills that he should of 6 months ago, and when he was getting a wage, has been spending £200 to £500 of it per month on nothing or in his words ‘I don’t know where it went’.

Now I fully understand that this is ADD kicking in and that managing money is a big challenge so I can’t take it out on him. But where does that leave us?

We can’t affored coaching. He’s good at taking his medication and tries to keep up with other supporting activities (running/mindfulness etc.) but I can’t afford to bail him out. I just don’t earn enough. Plus stress/pressure is building in both of us now that money gets less and less. Not good when we’re already exhausted.

However, despite all this, I will try to keep talking and being honest with him. Harder to do than it sounds. I just hope that between us, we can find a solution.