I’m an ADD spouse (married 26 years, diagnosed 17 yrs ago), and I agree completely with Lulu here. Has your prospective SO been properly tested and diagnosed? I once thought that meds alone would ‘fix’ my ADD. What I didn’t realize was that there were other issues that often accompany and exacerbate one’s ADD (like anxiety and shame for me), and they need to be addressed in partnership with the ADD. If not, the things with which he struggles will appear again down the road as Lulu hints at here.
Lulu is so right above – take things slow here. He may be wonderfully caring and passionate, but it sounds like there’s some unhealthy learned relathionship patterns/strategies here with him. If not yet, a real diagnosis and treatment plan that possibly includes BOTH meds and therapy will help him build the healthy structures needed for your relationship to grow. If the relationship is worth it for you both – then the time Lulu mentions above will be worth it. I wish you well on this journey, and hope this perspective from ‘the other side’ helped…