Reply To: Just started dating man with ADHD

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Please stay at the “friends” level for months (yes months), and don’t let him push you any farther than you are comfortable. You sound like a thoughtful person, and clearly, his impulsivity has created doubts, so honor those doubts.
Get to know him over a period of months (again, yes, months!) and try to get a sense of his commitment to himself and his ADHD. What has prompted him to get medications “soon”? Why hasn’t he gotten them already? Has he ever tried meds before or any other ways to manage ADHD? Has ADHD caused him problems in other areas of his life? Know this about meds: you don’t just go and get a prescription and that’s that. It’s a process that takes commitment. There are various types of meds and dosages with wide ranging effects and it can sometimes take awhile to figure out what works best. Also, has he actually received a diagnosis, or is just saying he’s ADHD without really knowing? What I’m saying is to be careful he’s not selling you a bill of goods — he’s sees that his impulsivity has made you pull back, he’s blaming it on ADHD, and he’s going to placate you by getting a prescription. It doesn’t work that way.

Either way, this kind of impulsivity will most likely never change. And you will begin to see other traits. If there are things about him that you really truly like, you must ask yourself whether you can live with the whole package forever. If you do stay with it, please be kind to yourself and give yourself lots of love and space. An ADHD partner can consume you, and you need to set boundaries.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by LuLu.