Thank you for the detailed reply. You are entirely correct with your assessment, although i didnt expect her to simply move on once I realised that the reason the relationship failed was because of me. I have tried to acknowledge my behaviour and absolutely acknowledge that it is 100% my fault.
Sadly I am really no further on. Although I am on medication and aware of what I’m like, i am still struggling to control impulsive comments which are ill thought through. This behaviour simply reinforces my wifes view that I dont care enough to be thoughtful or do something about it. I am looking into to therapy but feel its probably too late for our marriage the hurt she feels justifiably is so deep that I’m not sure its savable.
I have suggest couples counselling but she isnt interested, given that it appears like I am simply asking a 3rd person to adjudicate on what has happened when its clear its all my fault. I know I shouldn’t go down the whole shame route and I will try really hard not to but also it feels worse simply moving on, i thought I was acknowledging things. I will see what happens but not hopeful and thank you again.
Thank you again for the very thoughtful reply its very kind.