Reply To: My spouse wont let me get tested for ADHD.

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#120155
frinkwhaab
Participant

It sounds to me like your wife is either insecure about your relationship or controlling. Give her the benefit of the doubt, and try to kindly but firmly communicate that you are having difficulties with certain areas of your life (as you have in the past) and it is not anything relating to her. She should also know (again as kindly as possible) that standing between you and the advise of medical professionals is not acceptable. My wife actually had to tell this to me once, and it was a lesson well-learned. Our relationship benefited from it in the long term.

Personally, I did not know I had ADHD until I got married and had kids. These added relationships to my life increased complexity to a point where my inattention was leaving me unable to be productive at a full time job and doing dangerous things at home like leaving the kitchen gas stove on multiple times. My wife has anxiety, which honestly, makes my ADD much worse because I have to be on my toes a lot thinking about and preventing whatever situations might trigger anxiety. Ironically, her putting pressure on me not to forget certain things only made me that much more unable to function and more likely to do careless things. My wife and I have both been seeing therapists and being treated for different medical conditions (me ADHD, her anxiety), and things are so much better now. Really in a good place.

You need to prioritize fixing yourself with or without her support, and hopefully she will see the benefit and not view mental health care so negatively. It’s up to her how she chooses to react to it but don’t let her reactions drive your decisions.