Hi, I completely identify with your post. I am trying to learn/ understand how my 16 yr old son mind/ADHD works. I have tried implementing tools: not yelling/ remove myself when he is in meltdown mode / find incentive to motivate, etc… But nothing really changes. I use to give him $6 if he left the house on time-got to school on time n took a supplement(brain support),then i found out he was smoking pot, ive stopped giving him $$. I also understand my son will need constant reminders-which only aggravate him more. Currently, Ive taken away his computer/phone n keys. I know its excessive but i don’t know what else to do. Our constant arguments: are going to bed late because he’s on his phone or computer – when i ask him to give me his phone in order to remove the distraction, he would explode into a rage. Morning n evening routines are always argumentative. Since Ive taken away these things we haven’t argued about use of computer or phone. He is organizing his dresser n trying to clean his room, since he has nothing else to do. I took his keys away because when he skips school – he comes home n brings his friends, eventhough i have told him or tried to implement house rules: no cutting class n no friends at the house, especially- when im not home. His Dad n i are separated, thank goodness he goes to his Dad house every wkend,which gives us a break from each other. Ofcourse when he is at his Dad’s house, he is compliant n when i tell his Dad about his behavior with me, his reply is- he doesn’t do that at my house,which only make me feel like an unfit parent.When i tell my son if things dont get better at school or his behavior w/me -He might be better off living with his Dad. He becomes angry n accuses me of not loving him. He tells me he doesn’t like going to his Dad’s house. I know my son is hurting n is crying out-but we can’t seem to find balance or peace. despite the fact that we have heart to heart talks,we come up with plans to help him achieve his goals. We feel confident thing will work out with new plans. The moment we start – it fails. He is failing all his classes. When i ask him about homework he tells me either hes done it or teachers didn’t give any. But online school portal say otherwise. He was evaluated at school n diagnosed with ADHD,an IEP is being prepared. Since he will be going to summer school, They hope to start implementing it during summer school. Its been a long/exhausting/heartbreaking road. Im also trying to find out what works. Im going to 12 Step support groups to keep me sane. I feel guilty/sad/confused. Im sure my son feels it 100x worse. Im looking for therapy n parents courses. I’ve printed out providers who participated with my insurance all of them are nurses – the few that I’ve called dont treat adolescents. I feel like a hamster in a wheel. So, when is it ADHD or Bad parenting? I’m looking for the same answer.
Hopefully we all can give each other strategies that has helped. I know they might not work all the time but im willing to try everything. I love my son unconditionally – he is an amazing soul. But i can’t enable disrespect n bad behavior. I want to learn what are reasonable expectation. I know its not his fault – how he processes information, however his homework needs to be handed in even if its wrong/ he should pick up after himself/ get to school on time n stop being disrespectful to me, when i enforced house rules. Im exhausted just by writing this.
Thank you for your post n everyone comments – i hope we can find the answer soon and support each other-Parenting Our Amazing kids.