Reply To: ADHD 15 yr old Stepson

#119765
Andyn86
Participant

Well:

Yes it did take a while for me to write that post but it is ok lol. So I graduated from college because i realized it was something that I wanted to do. In high school I was extremely smart still am. I could get A’s and B’s and never open a book, but I never did the homework I got too bored. I remember one time I was taking spanish so in order to try and teach myself Spanish I played a video game in Spanish. It worked for a little bit. Anyways I regress. I did have someone stand over me and lecture me in high school. It was miserable and I hated every second of it, and that’s why I didn’t go to college until I was 26. I tried right out of high school but it took all the fun from me because my parents stood over me and treated me like a 15 year old. When I was younger I would tell my parents I was going to work and I would go somewhere else and lie about it. It’s not that I didn’t want to work, but it’s that my brain was acting like a 16 yr old when I was 19, so that part is somewhat normal. As an adult right now I’m not happy in my job but I figure out why I like it, and that I will be able to get what I want, aka money to be able to go on vacation etc.
As far as when something was due, yea that’s still a problem in my job. I have deadlines I need to hit in sales and I will forget about them, and then I will get in trouble from my boss. That disappointment is the worst feeling ever for someone with ADHD. It eats you away. However I have learned and am still learning to write things down. I write stuff down when I think of it at work and then I can look back at it and be like oh yea I need to do this or do that.

The yelling is the WORST THING EVER that you can do for a kid with ADHD. They literally can’t think like you and don’t understand why you are yelling or what they did wrong. This will only lead to resentment and rebellion because they feel well what is the point. I screw up I get yelled at. I make a mistake I get yelled at why even bother trying to do things. I think you should have a conversation with them and ask them what they are struggling with and then help them and be understanding. You can’t yell no matter how much you want to. My mom did this when I was growing up and it lead to resentment and depression and other things. Instead of yelling help them understand the skills that they need to be successful.

You mentioned the unmotivated behavior, it is there because honestly they aren’t motivated. Why would they be? They are getting yelled at for making mistakes, they know they are different they feel misunderstood. Would you be motivated to change if that was happening to you?

As far as the lights and stuff go, I constantly need reminders to do that stuff because I forget. Luckily my wife is understanding and she will tell me I’m dissapointed or what not but won’t lecture. The worst thing you can do is lecture because an ADHD brain is very observant and we know when we made a mistake or let someone down and then we beat ourselves up.

I hope this helps, and just remember they are not like you, so you have to think differently, and enable their creative and bright side to come out! Good Luck!