Reply To: Metaphor: Wanting a Garden Without Nurturing It

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#119443
musicalmrsc
Participant

I read this post and re-read it several times. I cannot begin to thank you enough for this. I have an ADHD husband. He wants what he wants and it never seems to matter if it’s practical or maintainable. I’ve got a camper that’s been used twice in 4 years. I’ve got a smoker that gets used once a year. I’ve got a fire pit that gets used twice a year. I’ve got a basketball hoop in the garage for the past five years, because after the post was put in the ground he didn’t install the rest and then thought that if it was installed his car would get hit by kids playing basketball (you couldn’t play basketball with his car in the driveway), but whatever. He currently wants a $1,200 lawn mower. Our mower works fine and we don’t have a huge yard, but if I don’t get it for Father’s Day he will be upset with me for the entire summer.
The part of this that bothers me the most is we have conversations about home repair, remodeling, moving, vacations, etc. and I think these are things that are actually going to happen. He asks me to research and get quotes for things. Then he tells me that they aren’t going to happen (they are within the price range that he wanted). So, if it’s something HE wants, he gets it. If it’s something that I want, have conversations with him about, get his input, make all the plans for and try to actually get done, it’s not happening. I’ve been chewed out for taking action on things, after years of inaction and what was probably 100 hours of conversation. I’m tired.
Having a conversation about this with my husband never goes well. Anyone have advice for how to keep my house from falling down and not end up in a massive argument about it?