Reply To: Lying…when it's obvious

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Most everyone has agreed that the lying is a response to avoid getting into trouble. ADHD kids get chastised enough that they avoid getting anymore negative attention. It took me a while to finally get what was going on with my daughter. She was lying at school too and it was hurting her reputation as well. It got to be that if anything happened, it must have been her, whether it was or not. I realized that if I changed tactics and didn’t confront her with the impression that she was guilty, she would be more likely to be truthful. One time I went to check on the dryer and saw the whole load thrown on top and a new load was drying. Others in my house, including my husband, are notorious for being too lazy to grab a basket just a few steps away and put the laundry into that. But, this time my daughter was the only one home to do it. I had just about had it. I knew I would not get an honest answer, so I thought about how to confront her about it. I calmly went to her and stated that I just saw the whole load of laundry on top of the dryer and would she know anything about it? She actually admitted that it was her and that she couldn’t find a basket! I reminded her where they are kept and to not put the laundry on top of the dryer next time. I realized that she was trying to help and I would have discouraged that if I had accused her as I normally would have. The thing is, this should be the approach with anyone. If it is not a lie that you would get, you would get defensiveness from anyone. They are reacting not only to being accused, but also to the anger or frustration. I think that it was here that I read an article that lying was a sign of intelligence. Kids read adults and based on the attitude AND question will respond to what they think you want to hear or to avoid punishment.