Reply To: Metaphor: Wanting a Garden Without Nurturing It

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CrystalFL – I feel like I could have written your post!!

I’ve been thinking about this whole post a lot, because it comes up in so many ways in my life with an ADHD spouse. I realized that a lot of the issues seem to come from magical thinking. What CrystalFL said about the fantasy world definitely applies to my husband. It’s like he has no idea how long things take, how much they cost, and even when presented with facts, will deny facts and present a completely ridiculous argument. It makes it really hard to have a discussion.

For example, he was out of town travelling, and needed to get home in time for our daughter’s dance recital. He was 3 hours drive away, so I asked him to leave at 8, to make it home by 11 at the latest. He says sure. Then books a meeting at another town on his way home, giving himself 1/2 hour to tour a new branch. I told him there’s no way he’ll be able to finish a tour in that amount of time and still make it home. “I’ll make it.” He didn’t.

It’s disappointing, and the refusal to accept that he’s not good at calculating time or money is just baffling to me. Shame also seems to get used as a weapon – like you can’t say “Hey, this might not be my strong suit” – it has to go straight to “I’m a horrible useless person.” Frustrating.