Reply To: Lying…when it's obvious

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Parents The Emotions of ADHD Lying…when it's obvious Reply To: Lying…when it's obvious


You have a moral code, a standard of behaviour that you want your child to learn and live by. That’s okay. However, she is seven and does not yet have the ability to understand morality, honesty and truth-telling as you do. To her, it is not a lie. It is an attempt to convince you that her reality is valid. Yes, it is perhaps because she feels shame or guilt but is developmentally too immature to label it, understand what causes it and separate reality from fiction, hence persisting when the evidence is there to see.

Children are not mini versions of us. They are learning to construct their beliefs and personalities through how they experience the world.

It may be that she is learning to do this as a strategy from demands and standards that are already to high for her to reach? Urine is sterile and and it is only pee in the bath water! Better to start with Oops!, laugh about it and gently remind her next time to say she needs to go to the toilet!

It’s an opportunity to learn and bond, not create distance and be offended!

Learning and problem-solving through love, compassion, acceptance and laughter is better.

Be a mum, not a judge.