Reply To: Lying…when it's obvious

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#119295
robynr
Participant

I seriously get why you are so frustrated and angry! I have ADHD as an adult and my children have it. It’s just that intense fear of rejection we have that makes it too hard to admit we screwed up. (Side note: In the bathtub incident, isi t possible she didn’t realize she peed in the warm water?)
What to do about it: If she knew she peed, the best thing to do is say, ‘why did you pee in the water?, then immediately follow that up with ‘let’s drain the water and try again’, even before she has a chance to respond. If you treat it like a huge deal, it will be far harder for her to admit guilt. You are far more likely to get an ‘I’m sorry , Mom’ acting quickly to correct it than to question her. Emphatically questioning her is literally the worst thing you can do (She probably has no answer for that). However, if you you redirect and finish the bath and then, very non-emotionally (no anger, disbelief, frustration) ask her, what happened, she may have an answer. She’s had some time to think about it and you’ve had some time to calm down.
So what do you do when what they do IS a big deal? Kids with ADHD are incredibly intelligent and self condemning! She will punish herself much more than you can. Do you best to stay calm and trust in the moral values you have already taught her in church or through whatever your belief system is. Just remind her of those values when something happens with a single sentence, not a lecture, and let her stew on it. She will put it all together. She’s old enough to do that now.
Hope this helps!