Sorry to hear of H’s outburst and its fall out. Sad for you to not have the grandkids stay. Hopefully, it’s a temporary decision and once H gets on a more even keel it will be reversed.
Looking at the big picture its great your daughter is so protective of her children…. good move on her part.
Also, I think it’s great you’re being honest and sharing openly what’s going on. Secrets are toxic in my book. They feed shame, deplete self-esteem and isolate you.
I’d be honest and tell H you intend to be transparent with the family from here on. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Better for all concerned. Covering for him will not help him to come to terms with his diagnosis or treat the issues that are tripping him up. Just prolong the inevitable.
So, you’re going through a very rough patch, but definitely on the right track. Make sure you focus on yourself as much as you do H – de-stress and nurture your body and spirit to be resilient.
Eat clean, healthy, less processed food and wean yourself off sugar, if you indulge; be a better diet for H also. Schedule some exercise daily (perhaps a walk after dinner with H?…or without if he isn’t keen) and make sure you get enough zzzz’s – take a daily power nap if you don’t sleep well at night.
Do you remember what makes you laugh? ..go do that too : ) Hang in there, cheers, Lindsay