Dear Phillipa – Don’t be upset with yourself, you absolutely did the right thing getting H to a doctor to get a formal diagnosis. He shouldn’t have to go over all his past mistakes at all. What should happen is the doctor will prescribe medication for H’s depression and ADHD. He should also recommend that H see a counselor or psychologist/psychiatrist so he has someone to talk to who can help guide him through the transition of accepting his diagnoses and learning to live with it. He will learn to live with it. He just needs to remember that people with ADD/ADHD have nothing wrong with them – their frontal lobe just processes information differently. H just needs to learn about how his brain works, as the Executive Functions are in that area of the brain, and that encompasses his organizational skills, social skills, emotions and filter (that which stops him from just saying whatever comes into his thoughts).
I would suggest that the two of you start researching ADHD and finding out all you can about it. Understanding more about ADHD and depression (which usually goes hand-in-hand). This will help both of you feel more in control of the situation. Knowledge is power, and both of you need to be his best advocate for what he needs. Research will show you ways to lessen symptoms through foods that he eats, supplements and depression and anxiety can be helped with meditation (to relax and be calm). Exercise, being outdoors in the fresh air and sunshine are amazing ways to manage his depression.
Basically, your husband has two choices; he can do nothing and nothing will change, or he can admit that he isn’t happy with the way he feels and do what is necessary to feel better and change his life!
My 15 year old son has ADHD (and is in the Autism Spectrum) and has been diagnosed since kindergarten. My husband also has ADHD and was only diagnosed in the past year. So believe me when I say that I have done a ton of research through the years and gone through seminars and webcasts and countless articles on this website and others, which have a lot of information available.
This is not a terrible thing, in fact, it’s a good thing. Now you both know what the cause is for behaviors that I’m sure have been troubling. Your husband has a chance to take back control of his life and you both will be closer working through together. You will need to learn about how his brain works and what kind of behaviors are or are not in his control. It isn’t easy for the spouse of someone with ADHD, but there are a lot of people in the same position who, through online support groups which can be found on Facebook and other social media I’m sure, and they will be helpful.
I think I’ve said enough for now. Please get him to the Psychiatrist appointment and get the help you both need.
Keep us posted and best wishes 🙂❤