Reply To: Metaphor: Wanting a Garden Without Nurturing It

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What a beautifully written post – thank you so much for sharing this! I’m moved by it because right this moment, I have a community garden plot in my city neighborhood literally a block away from my home that desperately needs tended to and watered. But I can’t rally myself to walk over there and take care of business. Tonight, however, I am going to do just that.

As an adult ADHD sufferer, I can share with you that my struggle is rooted in what you identified as “difficulty sensing the passage of time combined with hyperfocus” (minus the work-a-holic part!). I’ll add that I am completely cognizant that my garden needs watering and I haven’t forgotten about it at all. I move into a place of shame and fear that makes it even more difficult to just get the job done. I start telling myself that the other gardeners think I’m a bad person who should be kicked out of the garden, that I couldn’t bear it if others were present when I showed up to my plot, that they’d certainly shake their heads at me in disappointment and disgust. It’s silly because every single time I push through and just go, I enjoy myself and get lost for hours weeding, tending, and chatting with fellow gardeners.

I really like the suggestions Leftie and Chris have offered you. It reminds me of something from Melody Beattie’s codependent books, which I suggest you explore. I also suggest having these difficult discussions with your husband in a loving and compassionate way that is true to yourself and your needs. The biggest reality here is that things can get better and isn’t that amazing?! It has to be something that you both want, though, and your husband is going to have to be the one who does the hard work.

Thanks again for this post and for giving me perspective on my own garden (both the literal and metaphoric!)