Thank you, Penny.
I have a list of what I need in a partner. This relationship has been an adventure in compromise (which I’m not very good at).
I’m also no good at telling people what I need from moment to moment, especially when it seems “obvious” to me. And I believe in freedom, so if he wants to walk to the party with other people I figure that’s up to him.
Our sex life is also in tatters, although we are very affectionate outside the bedroom. Trying to revive that seems like too huge a project if we can’t even go to a party together.
We have an extra bedroom, where I’ve been spending most nights for several months. (Not his fault; I just prefer to sleep alone, even when I have a sexual partner. Also, it was more convenient to sleep alone after my injury.)
I guess all that remains is to cut out the affectionate gestures and consider this a roommate situation.
I’ll discuss this with him, but I’m not hopeful. Your response has certainly helped me think things through.