I feel your pain. I was in the same situation with my ex. This is not ADHD related. When you walk on eggshells, which is often how victims of abuse describe their living environment, this is not because she has ADHD or anxiety. Calling names and screaming to people is control. There might be more underlying issues (diagnosis) and you need to consult a psychologist. If I were you, I would go alone and get familiar with the forms of abuse. Sometimes going to a psychologist with an abusive spouse is the wrong choice as they have a very convincing way of turning it on you.
Children suffer in such circumstances and you have to consider taking very difficult decisions for their sake if things don’t change.
Good luck with it and look for help.