Reply To: I'd rather be alone than ignored – normal?

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones I'd rather be alone than ignored – normal? Reply To: I'd rather be alone than ignored – normal?


Yeah, squirrels… 🙂 I’m the ADD head in my relationship and I’m sure my behavior is sometimes pretty annoying to my husband. But I don’t yell at him and I at least try to stay on track (even if he has to remind me once in a while – okay, MORE than once in a while). He gets thanks for helping me and sincere apologies when I screw up badly. The problem you’re describing is not plain old ADD… yes, We ADD’ers honestly can’t help the way our brains are wired, but we CAN help how we treat others. It’s a LOT of work and will never be “perfect,” but your spouse can at least TRY. I had to accept that something was different about my brain’s wiring, and then had to accept that my brain causes me to sometimes do or say things that drives other people nuts. It really is hard living inside my own head, but there’s no excuse for spreading the pain around to my loved ones. The solution is NOT to sit back and say, “Not my fault, it’s the ADD.” I had to learn strategies to help me not interrupt, to keep on task, to keep track of dates and times, to not be so bloody ANNOYING… especially difficult when the dx comes in adulthood: I was 53 years old so I had decades of bad habits to unlearn… Six years later, and I’m still not “perfect,” but I know I never will be 100% “normal.” My husband has long ago accepted the fact that our life together will always be a bit unusual, but we’re happy anyway. I suspect non-ADD marriages aren’t automatically a piece of cake, either. A happy marriage is hard work, but is totally worth it. Good luck.