As many other responses have mentioned, getting a diagnosis is key. Medication can really help, and therapy is also really important. My 20 year marriage dissolved after dealing with very similar behavior for many years. Sadly, my husband would not seek a diagnosis or therapy and that led to the end of the marriage as the anger and outrage became too difficult to live with. Our teenage son has a diagnosis of ADHD and anxiety and I’m put my energy into making sure he has the proper treatment so he won’t suffer like his father does. It can be very difficult with adults who will not seek treatment, you can’t make them do so, but left untreated the anger, anxiety and other symptoms can really ruin relationships. Good luck to you and make sure to take care of yourself and kids!