Same here! But I believe that I can get better a little at a time, and if I can, you can! I have started trying to improve ONE thing at a time until the improvement is a habit and then move onto the next thing. When I first started this that method felt too slow – but after sometime of no constant and continual improvement I figured it is better than a constant pattern of one step forward two steps back.
The habit I am currently working on is taking time to meditate right when I get to work (I have an app on my phone and do a beginner practice). At first I felt like this was more of me wasting time but I kept hearing about how it can help gather your thoughts and calm your nervous system. And I figure at the root of it if my thoughts themselves are less manic then I will be more effective as a whole. So far, I am definitely not to the habit goal but I definitely notice a positive change in my mental functioning.
Something else that helps me is making a REASONABLE to-do / priority list for each day and week helps me a lot. (This was something I did before but I have found getting started on these tasks is much easier after meditating for 10 minutes)
I have also started practicing being kind to myself. I don’t allow (or I try not to allow) myself to say things to myself I wouldn’t say to a beloved friend who was confiding in me. Because giving yourself PTSD from heaping negative thoughts and anxiety on yourself isn’t going to do anyone any good. When you fail FORGIVE YOURSELF! I, personally, suck at this, but I’m getting better at it and recognize the merits of it which help me as well.
You can do this!!!! And with every step you take towards being the employee you want to be you are stronger and a better person for the struggle you went through to get there.