Reply To: I'd rather be alone than ignored – normal?

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#116534
ctyo
Participant

The awful thing with being in a relationship with an ADHD person, is that the ADHD person gets to have a right good old time yelling and screaming at people up and down the house, forgetting things, overlooking things, screwing things up, and generally not holding up their end of *any* bargain. Let’s be honest here – life is pretty easy when you don’t actually do all that much (because: ADHD, yes. But still, they don’t do much) Whether life -to them-, is easy (we do appreciate that it is indeed not easy for them, what with hearing 20,000 negative comments before breakfast each day), but how much are we supposed to care? Come the end of the day *things actually have to get done*, so yeah, we can completely “feel for them”, that they’re “feeling bad they’re not Doing Important Task X” but are instead watching Netflix, but hey, can we switch places every now and then and *we* be the ones watching Netflix and not doing anything productive?

Then we, as their partner, do all this reflection, and “It’s their brain, wired differently and all that..I should (various suggested things)” But the ADHD person? Invariably they don’t do squat. Do they apologize afterwards? Like, truly, and not sarcastically? “Excuuuuse me if I needed to finish a report for my boss before I bought your so very important milk from the store. Should I quit my job, so I can always be available to buy milk??” Or, do they ever, in a “good mood” try to make up for things screwed up in the past by, say, knocking off a ton of errands or tasks? No, not at all. Right after whatever blowup we have with them as soon as the dust settles they go right back to “Oh wow! Fly flishing on the moon! I totally need to research this!” while their daughter is still waiting to be picked up from dance class in the rain.

I think this is a great big unaddressed topic in the ADHD world. That, due to ADHD, they can’t even stay on track to try to “make up” for the last time (five minutes ago) they screwed something up, and as we pick up after them they’re onto the next thing they’re going to screw up, and we’re going to have to cover for them. But get thanks from them? Forget it, because squirrels!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by ctyo.