I hear your pain, both of your pain, all of your pain. I know this well both with my son and with me historically. Now it rarely happens for either of us and i can honestly put this down to both of us learning mindfulness – in my case practising for over 25 yrs so quite advanced now but even in early stages it allowed me to process my emotions far more effectively and calmly. My son and I used to flare off each other so badly – we both have quite a lot of ADHD while my younger son has less – but all three of us have had anger issues historically and none of us do now. It takes time to develop these skills but there are some excellent books around that will really help you – the miracle of mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh worked for me the best initially and then Wherever you go there you are by jon kabat zinn helped a little bit too. i have written a lot of articles about my own journey with ADHD and mindfulness.
HAng on in there please – it can be resolved if you have the right tools and medication is not enough – but we held it together enough to get through it all and are happy and much less stressed than before – i am also high functioning ADHD – xxxxx