Reply To: Romantic interests always turn into resentment toward them

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hjordisaa
Participant

Hi! I’m 24 and your experiences feel familiar. All of my relationships up until recently followed that sort of arc. I would get excited about the idea of being with someone- usually they were nice and had some good “on-paper” qualities. But in all cases I kind of fell into the relationships. I didn’t really know what I was doing, and I definitely couldn’t sort out what parts of my crushing were just crushing and what parts were really just about that person.

It took me a while to become disillusioned with these guys. I didn’t really know what it was like to truly romantically love someone. I basically followed a script and enjoyed the perks of being in a relationship. Until I realized I didn’t like the person I was dating. And in the end, that was most of the problem- I was dating guys who were nice, but I either didn’t really know them that well or I didn’t like them but was confused by how nice the situation was.

The other big problem? Most of the time I didn’t really want the commitment of being in a relationship. I was in college- I had lots to do and lots of friends, and commitment in a relationship meant taking time from the rest of my life. I wasn’t ready for that, and I did build resentment towards them for “taking my life away”.

So my point is: you’re not crazy, it might not be fear of intimacy (of course, it could be), you might just not be ready, or you might just not like these guys so much, even though you get excited about the possibilities at first. (Who isn’t a sucker for ~ the possibilities ~ anyway?)