I did okay in school, but I was a massive daydreamer. But because I was creative and loved art, my daydreaminess and struggling with exams and not being very academic was put down to that. I didn’t bounce off walls, I was polite and stayed in my seat. I don’t remember a great deal from childhood either, but I remember that I was never really happy. I always felt different, and that’s carried with me into adulthood.
ADHD presents itself in many different ways and is different in males and females. I recently received an inattentive ADHD diagnosis. When I first started thinking about ADHD it was like a lightbulb going off in my brain. Suddenly everything made sense.
I’m incredibly untidy, but can be amazingly organised at work. I have a million notebooks and organisers, and boxes for everything. But then I don’t put the stuff I need to tidy into the boxes. My things always end up in piles around my room, until they get too much. Then I find them a better, more tidy home, and the process starts again.
I always forget something when I leave the house, and I’m always rushing to be on time. In order for me to get to work on time I will have had to skip breakfast, or put less makeup on. And then I’ll still have to go back for something, or realise I’ve forgotten something when I’m halfway there.
I get bored incredibly easily with mundane tasks, I talk to myself, my brain is never quiet, it’s always thinking, remembering stuff I don’t want to think about and I hate spending long periods of time without mental stimulation. Sometimes at work when we have no customers, and there’s nothing to do I feel like I could rip my hair out it’s so dull. It’s like torture!
I used to think my life was fine, but then I have never pushed myself to achieve as I was always scared of failure. When I got promoted the stress (and a bunch of other stuff to do with nasty work colleagues and a bad manager) meant I had to change stores and take a demotion and reduction in my hours due to being signed off work with stress and anxiety.
I was really impulsive as a teenager and into my twenties, and did some really stupid things that I won’t go into here. Some people wouldn’t even believe that I would do such things.
I always refer to myself as being a mass of contradictions. I’ve always known that my brain wasn’t the same as everyone else’s, and I’m also noticing that I’m drawn to other people who have similar brains to me. My boyfriend and I believe he has ADHD and I’ve also noticed the symptoms in some of my good friends too.