I understand too!
I only recently received my diagnosis. I’ve realised that a lot of my behaviour over the years can be attributed to ADHD.
For me it was always about the thrill of the chase, which I can now see is the stimulation my ADHD needed. I liked the conquest, but actually when it came down to it, more often than not the sex wasn’t even that good. I became bored with the same people, and relationships never lasted long, but I would still be incredibly hurt if someone didn’t want me, even if I didn’t really want them.
There’s a real shame associated with this behaviour when you’re a woman. If we were men, it wouldn’t even be questioned. But as a woman, we’re not supposed to do this, so we feel bad about it.
I can’t change what I did. But I feel a little better now that I know that actually there was a reason behind it, and my brain was craving something fun and stimulating.