I can relate to this, too. I literally will have documents in my hands at work, be in the middle of processing them (i’m a Buyer) and 2 seconds later when i go to put all the paperwork together, I literally have lost it. It can take minutes, hours, or even several days to locate what I am searching for. Sometimes in front of me, sometimes stuck to something else. It is so frustrating. I also seem to be more forgetful as to where I put my things, and I am usually specific about what goes where, and then I find things in totally odd places. I have forgotten to put my car in park several times, I’m horrible still at managing paying my bills (mostly online), sometimes procrastinating,other times just forgetting. What I am probably the worst at, is remembering where I put things. I have a vision in my mind about what I did with things, but then they are not there. But other times, I am very detail-oriented and organized. I think it may have more to do with where my interests lie. Things I take an active interest in, I usually pay better attention to. I have been taking medication for about a year and a half now, but I honestly think I need my dosage upped, to take it 3x a day, instead of 2. It seems the steadier flow of release helps me manage greater. It also helps with my anxiety a great deal. When I’m focused and devoting my attention to the immediate task or project, I don’t daydrean as much, so I don’t overthink and worry about “possible” outcomes or reactions. I feel more confident in my public speaking or presenting at company meetings. The one drawback, though, is when I’m passionate about something, I can get extremely drawn into making it a success, no matter what it is. If it’s a conversation about something I believe in greatly, I will defend that argument til the cows come home! Lol. I get so passionate, that sometimes words just flow but I have a difficult time remembering what I said. I often have people trying to engage me later, and I totally draw a blank. But I also am trying to learn how to not be a reactor of chaos. I have developed the skills through years of extreme behavior with my son, who has ADHD, ODD, and most likely bi-polar, when he got into a situation, my mind would shut down as a defense mechanism, and I would just respond in robot-mode. That has turned into the key of my survival. So, I think my brain is now programned that when my adrenaline accelerates to a certain degree of excitement, my mind zones out but it’s like having an outer body experience when it comes to managing the situation and taking care of whatever I need to. The things I find myself “detaching from” aren’t necessarily similar or related, but when I detach or zone out, I don’t always remember much of what I was doing or what was happening, while other times, I remember every detail. The worst is driving somewhere and getting to the destination, and not remembering one second of driving or how you got there. That is some scary stuff right there. Not sure I would describe it as self-sabotage, but sometimes I feel our brains “fire” a certain way, I feel. It’s like the wiring gets crossed and our thoughts go to other places, especially in stressful or perhaps triggering situations? Overthinking sometimes, causing forgetfulness, because I can analyze anything to get a better understanding. That can be very frustrating, especially at work when we’re doing problem solving exercises and I just want to dissect everything on a psychological level. Lol. My boss usually steps in and says, no we’re not doing that or I really don’t care; that will not help figure out a solution. But time and time again, I feel I prove him wrong in the long run. I also occasionally have episodes where I am in the middle of something, seemingly focused on what i am doing, and the next thing i know, i look at the time and it’s like several hours have somehow gone by!! Very frustrating and hard to understand at times. You’re definitely not alone.
I don’t know if many people here, also pair themselves psychologically with their ADD, but my personality traits also make it quite difficult to manage everything all at once. I am an INFJ personality, but more of an empath, so when I’m not hyperfocusing on my own feelings, I easily am affected by others feelings, as well. Add being an Aries to it, and I’m a hot mess!! That can throw my thoughts off quite frequently. But I also am clairaudient and clairsentinent and occassionally I’ll get approached by spirits, so sometimes it works to my advantage that I can’t focus as much, to distract me from engaging if I’m not in the right head space to do it. I do wonder occassionally, though, if it is myself doing certain things or if I’m interacting as someone else. Because there are times, that I remember absolutely nothing about things I should definitely know about or have experienced. But that’s a conversation for another day! Lol