My hubby has two signs posted over the oven: “Put a lid on it” (to remind me how to put out the – thankfully now very rare – fires I sometimes set while cooking) and “Stand by your pan” (to remind me to not set a pot of rice or something cooking and then wander off to do something else). I once set the toaster oven on fire, and when throwing salt on it didn’t work, I raced it through the house and threw it into the driveway, where it eventually burned itself out – the kids were all toddlers and thought it was the best trick they’d seen in ages (“Do it AGAIN, Mom!”). My hubby didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry when he got home from work. Some years later, after the kids had moved out, I had my nose in a book and didn’t notice the rising cloud of smoke behind me on the stove until the fire department was ringing my doorbell – we were managing my in-laws’ farm and the place was wired to summon the FD: I was too immersed in the book to even notice the loud siren clanging outside. Luckily, it was a small town and the volunteer force was extremely amused – unluckily, it was a small town and I rapidly developed an “airhead” rep. 🙂 Yes, a sense of humor is key to survival!!!
Maybe large signs might help at your house: Maybe something like “Call the doc!” and “Homework: It’s a Daily Thing.” You guys sound like you’ll survive… the madness makes for good stories once the incidents age a bit! 🙂 Good luck.