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#115707
DonkeyLady
Participant

One more thought on this issue…

I’m pretty sure that one reason my husband is so patient with me is that I am willing to at least TRY to mitigate my most annoying symptoms. One of you compared ADHD to having a broken leg – I think physical analogies are imperfect, but are good at explaining the fact that we ADDers can’t help the way our brains work… but that does not mean we should sit back, let the chaos fly, and sing, “Blame it on my ADD, baby!” If we behave like that, our partners would be more than justified in their annoyance! 🙂

My head doctor once told me that she believes that ADHD is a normal variant of brain wiring, one that was important for survival in pre-industrial days, but it often leads ADDers into trouble nowadays. To live in the modern world, one has to learn to live by the modern rules. I learned that I need to adapt. Hence the calendars, timers, checklists, meditation, and medication… On my doctor’s advice, my husband became my “coach,” calling me on my ADD-isms, so I could then learn to avoid or at least mitigate the fallout occasionally caused by my ADHD behaviors (Note: I would recommend becoming your spouse’s ADD coach ONLY if you have a strong, well-established marriage – my ADHD was not diagnosed until I was 53 years old – I very much doubt that my 23, 33, or even 43 year old self would have tolerated it!) – hiring a professional ADD coach might be safer for younger marriages…

I think I am more creative and empathetic than the average bear – I am also more sensitive and prone to unintentional mistakes than most – I suspect many of both the positive and negative aspects of my personality are due to ADHD. It’s the way I was born. That doesn’t mean that everyone else has to bend over backwards to accomodate my eccentricities, though. I work hard to try to fit into a world that depends on schedules and social niceties – in return, my friends and family cut me a little slack when my behavior runs a bit off the beaten track…