Reply To: Struggling to understand him

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones Struggling to understand him Reply To: Struggling to understand him


Hi confuzzled, I can truly identify with the issue you have posted about. My ADHD boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half and I found that the dating and his hyper-focus on me (the new girlfriend) phase) only lasted for months. Since that time I found that he’s moved on to other more novel activities that get his attention. I feel that I am only here in this relationship for his entertainment. I am not honored and I am not cherished and I am often disregarded and disrespected. Our relationship has been on the brink of non-existence 4 but seems like eight months now. He is not medicated and was diagnosed a decade-and-a-half ago. I feel that my emotions are meaningless because we will have an intense argument and I will state what I need from him examples would be to show up on time for the dinner I’ve made, to drive me safely to an appointment and then not forget me there, to not reach over me at a dinner party like I am a ghost and so on and so on. However, stating my feelings after these events transpire has gotten me nothing but a quick hug and promise to not make me feel hurt again. As you can tell the promises are never upheld because again and again there are more instances of when I am being let down. In the first 4 months he was a different man completely, and so was I, since I had not been subjected to such disrespect and consistent drama. Even when I had broken my leg he expressed very little caring compassion and helpfulness. And now that I am somewhat recovered and he’s beginning a new job the new job has taken all of his Focus. Tonight he did Express how he wanted to stop by my apartment to see me after work. Never the last having received four to five phone calls this afternoon from him at his workplace I know that if he comes here to visit he will be in an altered state of mind and it will not be positive for our engagement with one another or the relationship as a whole. He lost a sale to a co-worker as a used car salesman today and can do nothing but focus on the lack of income from that. I denied him coming therefore. It does not feel good because I want to see my boyfriend but I need to get over the phase of denial that he just isn’t who he was when we began dating and as a consequence is no longer the man I fell in love with. He’s already said the same about me. I am no longer the free-spirited bubbly humorous goofy girl he first Matt and came to love. I’m exhausted from my broken leg and the recovery the return to work without having the support from someone who claims to care for me dearly. The consistent drama you brings to my life has sucked the life and spirit from my body. Please know that what is written in black and white inside add text books was spot-on for me.