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“The truth is that even when I was doing everything there was STILL chaos – there are things ONLY my husband can do.”

Yes. THIS!!! I’ve begrudgingly come to accept that my life will always involve a significant level of chaos, which is something I really struggle with, and I think a big part of my underlying frustration. I crave peace and calmness, and that just isn’t in the cards for me. No matter how much I do, or try to ‘take off her plate’ to make things more manageable, the chaos never diminishes. Take the dishes example above. If I simply start doing them all the time, she doesn’t then use the extra time she now has to focus on finishing up the other unfinished tasks she has, she starts 3-4 new projects, which then sit 1/2 done for weeks at a time and become a new source of stress.