Thanks for the feedback and empathy, y’all. I almost feel guilty about getting frustrated and posting about it. She is aware of the issues and genuinely desires to do better. I’m 100% positive she is as frustrated with her ADHD as I am. I’m really not trying to beat up on her for something she isn’t fully in control of. In many ways, I’ve come to accept the eccentricities of living in an ADHD household. It’s just the balancing the conflicting needs of not nagging/parenting her, but simultaneously having to be ever vigilant about whether she’s done what she’s agreed to; and then figuring out how to not get resentful about that. Especially when it comes to our kids, and particularly our ADHD daughter. Having ADHD, our daughter is going to be set up for a life full of challenges. I know that as parents, we’re going to have to set up lots of support systems for her to be successful. But I honestly don’t know if my wife is capable of doing that, what with her own ADHD issues. I struggle with feeling like our daughter is being set up for failure, rather than success because the primary caregiver parent isn’t able to provide the support and structure she needs to be a successful kid with ADHD. I so often see the two of them (my wife and daughter) spiraling off each other, letting their ADHD play off each other’s, and I don’t know what to do about that. For instance, kids come home from school, mom hasn’t gotten 1/2 the stuff done in the day she had hoped to, so is frustrated/stressed/unable to focus. Daughter is exhausted from trying to be ‘on’ in school all day as a kid with ADHD and is exhausted. Because mom is still trying to do everything she didn’t get done during the day, she doesn’t start the kid’s routine right away. Daughter is exhausted and counting on routine/going on auto-pilot, so lack of routine sends her into a meltdown. Kid’s meltdown draws mom’s attention away from the tasks she’s already frustrated about not being able to finish, argument ensues, wash, rinse, repeat.
Of course, I know there isn’t a magic bullet or magic phrase to fix all this. If there was, someone would have patented and sold it by now. I just have to figure out how to manage everyone’s needs without completely disregarding my own. Maybe I’ll get that figured out this lifetime. 🙂
- This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by myADHDlife.