Give her the meds. You are still a good mom if you do. My son is a different person with his meds. And you may have to try a couple. Definitely go to a psychiatrist and not family doc. My son is having luck with mydayis.
It is counterintuitive that stimulants calm an ADHD brain down but it is true. I suffer from depression and I thank God for brain chemical altering drugs. If you don’t have ADHD yourself, it is impossible to imagine the awful feeling of wanting to be more organized and to feel more in control. Would you rather she be continually frustrated, sad and alone? I am a mother, too. I hate that my kid has a “condition”. But it can be managed. The other commenters are right, too. Medicine isn’t the magic bullet cure. Sometimes the drugs are needed just to get to the playing field for us ADHDers.