Reply To: Does she really think I hate her?

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#114039
yolagnes
Participant

It sounds like your child has identified a hot-button for you that they are going to push, push, push, push consistently until you stop reacting to it because they thrive on conflict, and are masters at using deflection. All in an effort to avoid or an inability to handle how they feel and what they are experiencing. First, second, third, etc. Don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. It’s how they choose to express how they feel which is to hurt you because sadly, they are hurting themselves and don’t know how to stop the pain. And that is a sad thing. That is why they need therapy consistently so they can talk to a professional about what they are feeling, because if you haven’t noticed, YOU are not the person to handle that. ODD children will respond much better to others in therapy and to others period than when you try to handle it. Why? Because you are their target. They will unleash upon those that love them, why? Because THEY KNOW you love them. It’s safe in their minds to unleash upon on you. Best learn to accept this sad fact earlier rather than later and get professionals in who are much better suited to helping your child manage their over the top emotions. As to articles, sometimes they are helpful and sometimes they are not. The best judge as confused as you may be about what your child is going through is you. I counter this emotional explosivity with what I call stone face. I don’t express any emotion because that’s what my child looks for… an emotional reaction so that he can try to rope me into a fight and start hurling insults or worse. He’s not rational at these times. There’s no point to a discussion. I have the same litany and I don’t deviate. You know I love you, but even if you think I don’t, that’s fine too. I’m here for you. Once you calm down if you want to talk, I’ll be here to listen. Do not feed the raging Hulk. Their minds cannot process anything you say because they are in some excitatory mental state that you have nothing to do with. You are just the unfortunately target. You just need to wait it out. That having been said, I agree with someone posting here that what you DO need to watch for are signs of cutting, depression, low-self esteem, anxiety or other related mental issues that could cause your child to take impulsive actions. Be ready to pick up the phone and get them hospitalized if necessary to balance them out with whatever medication may be useful to treat the presenting condition.