I have been there and at times go back there. I think many of us have experienced this and it’s heartbreaking. Our 16dd was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and anxiety at 10 years old. Took us a bit to find the right med for her but when we did she was happy with how it helped her. She did well in school the next couple of years, but when she hit 8th grade things started to fall apart. She was having trouble keeping friends, was very aware of how much harder she had to work than her peers, and noticing how different she was from most of her peers. She became depressed, started cutting, acting impulsively and making bad choices.
Teen years are hard enough, ADHD makes it even harder especially for girls. I know with our daughter she felt badly about herself and suffered from low self esteem. It is really helpful to make sure to let her know the ways she shines and remind her about all the things that she excels in. Our daughter started DBT therapy a year ago, and it has made a world of difference. She has been learning skills to help her with her anxiety and her emotions as well as how to effectively communicate. It has also helped us realize the importance of validating her even if we don’t agree with what is being said. Using validation has dramatically decreased the drama in our house and has also made me better understand her and realize how my reactions to her often made things worse.
Hang in there and know you are not alone!