I understand how you feel. You have high expectations of yourself—I do too.
I work two days a week & go to school—so I’m not working as hard as it sounds you do at your job. I have taken both ritalin and adderall—they both seemed to work, but adderall I prefer more. I have a window in which to concentrate on school from when I wake to about 3/5pm. I don’t know if you’re this way, but if I have to go do something first, it almost “sucks out” all my concentration power, not to mention the full effects of my stimulant. Even adderall XR…really only works on me for about 4hrs and the little bit of half-life helps—but it’s not an “all day” adhd treatment–at least not for me.
There is Mydayis—the new adderall XR. Shire has a “shire cares” patient assistance program–bc I bet it’s hella expensive. But, they claim it works 16hrs in their studies.
You’re doing alot and I go through periods too—like with my last class: Business Law, where it literally feels like “pulling teeth” to wrap up the class. Motivation for me, is weird like that. I know it’s not easy to cut yourself some slack–but you should. You’re taking on quite a bit & you’ll find a way to motivate yourself. I’m impressed that you’re going back to college. I’m 33 & it’s always been a dream of mine to have my Bachelor’s degree.
We support you here!!